Wedding in Seoul

[First posted on Facebook October 2008]

Before we left London for Seoul my new boss at work, someone I don’t know too well, gave me some simple but good advice about getting married. ‘Try and enjoy every moment of the day’, she said, ‘try and remember everything. Write it down. It will all happen so quickly’. It’s early a week after the wedding day. Hyun Sook and I did enjoy every single moment of the day, it did happen very quickly – for me even the hours waiting around in the hairdressers before the ceremony flew by. I’ve tried to remember everything, all the photographs help as a prompt, and this is my attempt to write it down – not just the wedding day, the whole amazing trip.


The flights, from Heathrow to Helsinki then Helsinki to Seoul were fine, comfortable and enjoyable even. I watched ‘sex and the city’ and read one and a half books. I’ve read so much during the trip (9 so far) my best man Stuart had to bring reinforcements. Hyun Sook, wisely, got some sleep. So it was a tired Englishman and a well rested Korean woman who arrived at about 8am into Seoul. We had quite a busy day ahead of us.

Previous trips to Seoul had always been in the winter, it was nice to see the big clean roads and buildings bathed in sunshine I thought, as I dozed off for the first of many times that day. We went to try on the traditional Korean and wedding dress, you rent rather than buy in Korea, did some other jobs, I fell asleep, and went to the jewelry shop to choose our rings, mine a white gold platinum band, Hyun Sook’s a white gold diamond ring. Then I fell asleep on the way back to Hyun Sook’s parents house where after some lovely food I crashed out. It had been a long day.

It took me a few days to get over jet lag, days we spent doing jobs, relaxing, and spending time with Hyun Sook’s parents and brother. They were, as always, so kind and welcoming, I’m very lucky to have in laws like them. I also met some of Hyun Sook’s extended family. I especially enjoyed meeting Hyun Sook’s paternal Grandmother, a warm and spirited 88 year old who unexpectedly and happily made it to the ceremony.

Just as I we were getting over jet lag we have to wake up one morning at 4am to go to the hair dressers before our 6 hour photo shoot in a studio. I don’t usually get out of bed for less than 50 million Korean Wan so this was a bit of a shock. I had been warned by a friend who’d done this that it might be the worst day of my life; it wasn’t anywhere near that but it was incredibly grueling, and even a big show off like my baulked at some of the strange things we had to do in the name of photography. ‘BIG SMILE OLIBU’ was the constant shout from the over bearing but very talented photographer. My big cheesy smiles strained my face muscles but we’ve got some great photos from the session.

A day or so later people from the UK started to come over and the whole thing started to feel very real. Hyun Sook’s parents and Mum, Mike and Francesca had met before so the dinner together at a Korean BBQ was relaxed and convivial, and it felt like the party had started. It continued into the night, after Hyun Sook’s parents left and we retired to a Korean bar then an Irish bar.

Friday morning, two days before the wedding, we meet Stuart, Guy, Dan and Emma, Ben and Beth at the airport and go to central Seoul for lunch. I go back to the airport (all by myself!) to pick up Olivia. We went back into town and settled into a place called ‘Wa Bar’ which means ‘come here’ in Korean. All the UK people, apart from Auntie Debbie who arrived the next day, had arrived and started to drift in. I always thought that the Shepherd and Wosskow sides of the family would get on with each other, but it was good to be proved right. I’m lucky to have such a good family. Friends as well, It was great to see Dan and Jude, Rebecca and Dave and hear about their adventures traveling through Japan and South Korea. Dan and Dave were worryingly keen to get me to come to the public baths; they seemed to have enjoyed getting naked a little too much.

The night went on, I was strongly advised by my Mum and Hyun Sook not to go with the younger crowd to a karaoke bar, excellent advice as it turned out considering how hungover I was the next day. It was worse for Dan Light who sadly broke his leg in the early hours and had to go back home. Ben didn’t know what he was saying when he claimed ‘notwithstanding Dan’s accident we had a great night’.
Next day, Dad, Clare and Francesca made the 23 second taxi journey to meet up with the Shin family for lunch, the first time Dad and Clare had met them. Again, we had a great time, even if my hangover made me a little subdued. Presents were exchanged, food appreciated, waves, smiles, photographs, oh my God we’re getting married tomorrow!

So, a quiet night with Hyun Sook’s family and I thought about what they must be feeling. Nervous? After all they had very generously paid for and organized this massive event happening the next day. Sad that their daughter was marrying this chump? Excited about a day that brings together two cultures in a way that most of the guests will not have seen before?

The next day the only one of these emotions I felt was excitement. I’m quite a nervous person, particularly at weddings as anyone who has seen me fidgeting or stumbling through speeches will tell you, but I felt pretty calm through the whole day. I don’t know whether this was because I was so ready to get married - I had no doubts at all, or whether it was because I’d spent the whole day with Hyun Sook, in Korean weddings there is no tradition of bride and groom not meeting until the start of the ceremony, or that I had at last achieved Zen. I think Hyun Sook was more nervous than me, but she looked calm, and she looked absolutely gorgeous. Stunning in her wedding dress, beautiful hair, just the perfect bride. I looked OK as well, happy with my hair and make up (men wear make up on Korean weddings, I recommend it) and liked my tuxedo, but I was not so sure about the white gloves that people suggested made me look like a magician or a snooker referee.

My first impression of the venue was very good, such a lovely place in central Seoul called Memoris. We went up to a holding room on the fourth floor with a regal looking seat for photographs and the guests started to arrive. Then I saw the room where the ceremony would take place. It struck me how many seats there were and how big this wedding was. There were 16 people from the UK and around 250 from South Korea. It also struck me how little I knew about what was going to happen next, people kept asking me questions about it that I couldn’t answer, it was the only stressful part of the day. Thankfully So Young was there to help – I sang the Suede song of the same later in the trip as a tribute.

So it started. Thee room was beautifully decorated and the two mothers walked down the aisle hand in hand lighting candles to warm applause. Me next. I walked slowly down the aisle with my two excellent best men, Ben and Stuart, behind me. I walked up the steps and gave a half bow to the audience. There are two kinds of bows that I learned, the half bow where you bring shoulders forward and head down, and the full bow reminiscent of the Pope on a runway. I’m still not sure whether I did these at the appropriate times, but everyone watching the ceremony seemed to appreciate the attempts. The full bow to Hyun Sook’s parents was a particular crowd pleaser.

First bow accomplished with aplomb, and I look down the aisle to see my bride, accompanied by her father with her bridesmaids (Francesca and Moon Ju) behind her. Hyun Sook looked even more beautiful than before. We faced the man we called a minister, although it wasn’t really a religious ceremony, a kind and thoughtful man who had worked with Hyun Sook’s father. He read his thoughts and advice about marriage in Korean; the translation into English had been printed out for the UK contingent. Hyun Sook and I exchanged our vows in English and the minister pronounced us married.

Francesca then delivered her excellent speech with confidence. It was translated into Korean by So Young and read by Hyun Sook’s cousin. She ended the speech by quoting Ogden Nash:

"To keep a marriage brimming, with love in your loving cup. Whenever you're wrong, admit it; whenever you’re right, shut up." Being polite people, the Korean translation said ‘whenever you’re right please don’t mention it’ which might not have quite the same impact.

The music was brilliant, a small band played jazz and we had a good think about what we’d done. Then we went to cut the cake, but something was missing, we hadn’t swapped the rings. This was an expensive oversight. And my poor best men were standing, confused, holding the rings. So we walked down the aisle and back again to exchange the rings. It was at that point that I felt properly married. It also gave me an excuse to take the gloves off.
Photos next, and I didn’t have to fake any smiles this time, I could not have been any happier if I tried. After that, the fun bit, the traditional Korean ceremony. We changed into our traditional Korean costume, the Han Bok. I chose a big gown in Sheffield Wednesday blue with a very tall black hat. I looked like a funny little wizard whereas Hyun Sook looked stunning in her red, white and green outfit.

Family were there, we performed the ritual to the three sets of parents in turn, but the UK friends had been sent to the naughty corner by over officious venue staff. We managed to get them back for the start of the festivities. The ceremony starts with the full bow, twice, then we give Korean Sake to the parents. We then held part of Hyun Sook’s Han Bok between us and the parents threw dates and chestnuts that we attempted to catch in the material. The amount we catch is supposed to correspond to how many children we’ll have. I stopped counting at 50…

Then siblings and other family members got involved in the ceremony and we melted under the lights. Afterwards I managed to have a small plate of the lovely food but Hyun Sook didn’t have any.

On our way to the A Bar for our party. After some difficulties with taxi drivers finding the place, all the Brits and some of Hyun Sook’s family and friends enjoyed the riverside views and the free-flowing drinks. Soon time for the speeches, Stuart made a fine, off-the-cuff MC and my Dad made a warm and funny speech without notes. Me and Ben had both prepared our speeches in advance; Francesca read out some messages and Hyun Sook translated her Father’s kind words. Everyone agreed that all the speeches were excellent, but as it was my wedding I think it’s fair to say mine was the best…

The whole evening was great, everyone was on top form and when me and my wife (my wife!) left some time after midnight we’d had an incredible day. What we didn’t expect is that Mum and Mike, Chesca, Guy, Stuart, Dan and Jude would keep going until the 6 in the morning. Some seemed fresher than others when we had lunch and wandered around Seoul with Hyun Sook’s parents the next day.

Then onto the Korean Island Je Ju for a short honeymoon. Some of the family were also on the island, we met up a couple of times for a great karaoke session and happy hour, but it was also great to spend some time together exploring the scenery of the island and eating the wonderful seafood and pork. Dan and Dave will be happy to learn that there was a sauna with dipping pools at the hotel, it did feel liberating walking around naked, I had the phrase ‘wedding tackle’ in my mind most of the time.

So, a great trip with everything we wanted and we are very happy.